Tuesday, April 23, 2019

(T) THREE...TWO...ONE (AtoZChalenge 2019)


Three, Two, One and the countdown begins...

Yesterday, after my appointment, I was glad that pregnancy so far has been more or less a smooth sail. I have completed 37+ weeks and in three more weeks, I will welcome a new member of our family (A normal pregnancy lasts 40 weeks).

A sequence of events dominated my thought. My life constitutes a series of countdowns. In the race to fulfill each milestone, my life slipped like sand in a closed fist.

Once I was old enough to understand the importance of studies, I took an unnecessary pressure to perform. I always pushed myself to score the highest and excel in each subject. My family also appreciated me; I pushed myself to do even better and I was winning various Maths and Science Olympiads. I felt accomplished. 

I often had to forgo a lot of family functions and outings of my own volition. I comforted by reminding myself time and again - 'To get something, I have to lose something!'

Post class 10th, I moved outside my hometown for higher studies.  During vacations, I felt like a visitor in my house than being a member. Small events and functions were missed more than ever. I was homesick initially and in those moments I kept myself upbeat by thinking about the prospects of a good career. 

I had the illusion that once I compete and get admitted to a professional course, my worries would be over. I was wrong. I got into a reputed Engineering college, the competition grew even severe. Each of us was as talented as the other and landing with the highest paying job was almost everyone's motive. 

After those eventful 4 years in college, corporate life came as a shock. Reviews, meetings and endless work hours were normal

To stay ahead in the race, polishing professional degree was a must, so I decided to do an MBA. I was not alone as most of us were pursuing the same path. MBA was another race against time to keep up with various deadlines, projects, tasks and submissions. Phew!

I achieved my goal of a well-paying job. I got recognition for my work within a short period of time and when I was ready to switch, I had offers galore. 

In retrospect, I miss those years spent away from family. Good friends were like family but in college also I had put myself under self-imposed restrictions. It feels that till now, a major part of my life has been all about making a career and nothing else. 

I am not denying the role of a career in one's life. Earning a good living gives freedom to chose and have a decent lifestyle. But I could have been where I am without taking undue pressure

Post marriage, I have started to look at things from a fresh perspective. I am trying to loosen up. I am trying to soak in the bliss that everyday life has to offer. I am trying to be in the moment and make the most of it with my loved ones around. 

As I prepare to receive my child, I hope I am able to make her life more balanced. I hope when she grows up she does not feel that the emphasis on one aspect was lopsided. I wish I can teach her to be more carefree and enjoy the gift of the present moment!

Do you regret the way you have spent the majority of your life? During growing years, was one aspect of your life more emphasized than the other? Do you wish to do things differently if given a chance! 


(These AtoZ Challenge posts pertain to my thought process, physical and mental changes, stress levels & mechanisms to cope, perspective, journey and experience as a first-time mother who has yet not delivered her baby.)


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11 comments:

  1. It's such a relief to let go of things that perhaps once served us but which we now see as burdens. I celebrate your commitment to shifting your perspective, and your wish for your daughter.

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  2. Each step is an opportunity to grow and learn. No regrets.

    Beth
    https://bethlapinsatozblog.wordpress.com/

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  3. I was lucky to have a lot of free time as a child. I always had some after-school activites, once or twice a week, but nothing compared to kids today (at least as far as I see), who have something scheduled every single day...

    The Multicolored Diary

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  4. Amazing Letters R & S There. Excellent Perspective Post Marriage. Stay Strong & Eat Well

    Cheers

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  5. The Road Not Taken always seems more alluring than the one taken. You chose a path and stayed the course despite the rigors. I am proud of you. You have grown as a person, and your daughter's life will be richer because of it. Great post.

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  6. Kislaya,

    I never placed that kind of pressure on myself. Perhaps, I knew my limitations or it might be I lacked confidence. Looking back on my life, I regret not believing in myself or not choosing a different career study or any number of things but I can't change the past. Instead, I found the confidence needed to attempt new things that challenge me where this leads me I do not know but I'm enjoying the journey. Hopefully, you can feel more at ease in the next chapter of your life as a young mother and perhaps a good model to teach your child the value of learning and doing one's best always while keeping everything in balance with family time. Happy a2zing, my dear!


    A2Z Little Mermaid art sketch series 'Treasures'

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  7. The joy of becoming a adult mother after being in the world for some time is that one can look back on one's own youth and also one's own parents' way of upbringing and take the good from it and learn from the not so good. You're clearly thinking about this Kislaya and may the next few weeks go smoothly and lovingly ..

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  8. I am glad we connected through A2Z challenge. I feel so connected to you that it never looks like I hadn't known you before April. My story is similar to yours. Just that I did my graduation and first post graduation in Chemistry, out of choice and I left home post 12th. But I kept kissing almost all the ocassions. I'm barely in touch with relatives from my maternal side after Ma passed away. The bonds could never become strong because my focus was always on my academics, career and parents.

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  9. Kislaya you are very candid in writing that you missed family functions in pursuit of academics and career. Few would acknowledge in public despite knowing it. Take life as it comes and enjoy each moment. My son tells me that teachers say 10th std is important, then 12th and later professional courses. Life will be easier after you land a job. it is endless. Between these milestone one has to sneak in happiness and serenity.

    https://ideasolsi65.blogspot.com/2019/04/uterus-parts-of-body.html

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  10. My life has been just the opposite in fact. I have been sacrificing studies and career for family! :)

    Yes, I do wish I had done some things differently, but it's never a good idea to dwell too much on the past.

    I am now trying to convert my blogging into a regular source of passive income. I hope that when I have a slightly more relaxed occupation, maybe I can adopt a child. :)

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  11. Glad to hear about the new arrival in the family - congratulations to you. When i look back, I did not have that much of a pressure in life - I took it easy and was always there in the family and now when i see my daughter's progress I am happy, she is not scoring very high marks but I can see she makes effort to score well and also learns music and volunteers in the free time. I have no regrets and feel content with whatever i am earning, as its not a great pay job but I love my work and i am passionate about helping the students in the campus.

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