Three, Two, One and the countdown begins...
Yesterday, after my appointment, I was glad that pregnancy so far has been more or less a smooth sail. I have completed 37+ weeks and in three more weeks, I will welcome a new member of our family (A normal pregnancy lasts 40 weeks).
A sequence of events dominated my thought. My life constitutes a series of countdowns. In the race to fulfill each milestone, my life slipped like sand in a closed fist.
Once I was old enough to understand the importance of studies, I took an unnecessary pressure to perform. I always pushed myself to score the highest and excel in each subject. My family also appreciated me; I pushed myself to do even better and I was winning various Maths and Science Olympiads. I felt accomplished.
I often had to forgo a lot of family functions and outings of my own volition. I comforted by reminding myself time and again - 'To get something, I have to lose something!'
Post class 10th, I moved outside my hometown for higher studies. During vacations, I felt like a visitor in my house than being a member. Small events and functions were missed more than ever. I was homesick initially and in those moments I kept myself upbeat by thinking about the prospects of a good career.
I had the illusion that once I compete and get admitted to a professional course, my worries would be over. I was wrong. I got into a reputed Engineering college, the competition grew even severe. Each of us was as talented as the other and landing with the highest paying job was almost everyone's motive.
After those eventful 4 years in college, corporate life came as a shock. Reviews, meetings and endless work hours were normal.
To stay ahead in the race, polishing professional degree was a must, so I decided to do an MBA. I was not alone as most of us were pursuing the same path. MBA was another race against time to keep up with various deadlines, projects, tasks and submissions. Phew!
I achieved my goal of a well-paying job. I got recognition for my work within a short period of time and when I was ready to switch, I had offers galore.
In retrospect, I miss those years spent away from family. Good friends were like family but in college also I had put myself under self-imposed restrictions. It feels that till now, a major part of my life has been all about making a career and nothing else.
I am not denying the role of a career in one's life. Earning a good living gives freedom to chose and have a decent lifestyle. But I could have been where I am without taking undue pressure!
Post marriage, I have started to look at things from a fresh perspective. I am trying to loosen up. I am trying to soak in the bliss that everyday life has to offer. I am trying to be in the moment and make the most of it with my loved ones around.
As I prepare to receive my child, I hope I am able to make her life more balanced. I hope when she grows up she does not feel that the emphasis on one aspect was lopsided. I wish I can teach her to be more carefree and enjoy the gift of the present moment!
Do you regret the way you have spent the majority of your life? During growing years, was one aspect of your life more emphasized than the other? Do you wish to do things differently if given a chance!
(These AtoZ Challenge posts pertain to my thought process, physical and mental changes, stress levels & mechanisms to cope, perspective, journey and experience as a first-time mother who has yet not delivered her baby.)